Newsletter Archive: What makes you feel alive? Change your thoughts + free your mind
**this newsletter was originally emailed and published on July 7, 2025
Dear Reader,
There was a time when I was writing these newsletters weekly because I was inspired, living the life I dreamed of, full of freedom, possibility and with so much to share. Things have changed as of today, change is inevitable. But for one hour each morning I do get to meet dreamy Tina on her yoga mat. Around 6am, when the sun is rising, she’s there — I’m fully there — present and purposeful — with an open heart and looking toward the sky for answers. I find her in a forward fold or when sweat beads up on her body and drips on to the mat — that moment when she raises one leg into the air and the other leg effortlessly follows. She can float. I can float. For a short time I’m free. I don’t feel the weight of my worries or my body when I am on my yoga mat or when I’m walking in the southern heat, for that matter.
Has there been a time in your life where you’ve felt overwhelmed, but you know there’s something that can bring you back to yourself? What is that one thing you can do that makes you feel alive — one thing that makes you fly?
During the warm southern morning sunrise, I met myself. I am alive and well because I also know that I’m supposed to meet this other version Tina right now. The one that recognizes that when life gets hard we learn who we are and what we are made of on the inside. And, apparently I am made of tears, tough stuff, leaking silicone, Lysol, Soft Scrub, Palmolive, Pam, string beans, salmon, doctors phone calls and a past that continues to return in various forms and words.
Can you meet yourself where you are now, even if it’s hard, and take a minute to recognize why you’re there without calling it punishment but seeing it as a meeting place for growth?
I’m tired of feeling tired. And, you can feel free to stop reading and tell me to fuck off, I want to tell myself the same thing, but if I don’t believe that all of life’s trials, happenings, conversations, losses, tears and words don’t lead to something greater — than I wouldn’t have come this far. I’d still that 16 year old girl who would read sad novels in bed, staying up too late to watch TV, ate bologna sandwiches at 4am and did not want a new day to begin again. Now, even on hard days, I want a new day to start. I look forward to a do-over even if it’s not the life I once had or the life I dreamed of. I have a lot of purpose in my life right now — the healing of my family and of my self.
In this moment I am 45, single, and staying with my parents. I was once 320 pounds and though I lost almost 160 of them, I still carry that girl inside of me. I have not freelanced in months and every time I try to make a plan to work, travel or move forward — something has happened to deter it. With one more upcoming surgery for the year I sit at my parents dining room table thinking about what comes next.
Is there something you’re feeling or experiencing that you can reframe in your mind to be an advantage and not a disadvantage?
In this moment I am 45 and I answer to no one. How freeing, really. I am willingly at my parents home to help them during their time of need and in return I get to heal my heart and theirs — our family story. 24 years ago I began a journey to change my health and I still remain committed to loving little Tina every day and doing every thing she was afraid of. I am so lucky to have a freelance career, savings, friends and family — the time and means to support those I love right now. I don’t need to make a plan, God has one for me, all I have to do is believe and trust my intuition. There is no need to think about what comes next, that creates anxiety, today I live in today and when the surgery comes all will be well.
Sending love, light and the knowing that you can also change your mind. Do something today that makes you feel good. I keep going back to the above photo because I’m reminded of a perfect day at the beach with a few of my favorite humans. I keep going back to photos of my friends and their children because their smiles make me smile. I keep going back to God and thanks with a knowing that everything will be fine, maybe even more than fine.
You’re ok. I’m ok. We’re all ok.
With love,
Tina