13 Ways To Start Making Peace With Your Body + Yourself

The journey to appreciating my body and skin has been a lengthy process fraught with REALLY WEIRD exercises and, ultimately, an end result of current celibacy. I’m in no way saying that you also need to give up sex in order to work on your body, self-image and self-love, but maybe you’ll also want to try some of the below. Throw caution to the wind and give all of these a try. I’ve also written these in no particular order, so have a ball and start where you might feel the most scared. Do the scary stuff first, or the silly stuff, or the stuff that makes you think “What the fuck is this broad nuts?” Yes, I am and I am also ok with it.

1. Eat in your underwear: Letting your thighs touch while consuming food can be therapeutic. I’m not wholly sure why, but I think it’s the freedom of being close to ourselves without a binding waistband.  Sorry to traumatize you with these photos of me, especially my brother and Uncle if you ever read this, which hopefully you don’t. But I wanted to provide real evidence that I do what I say. And, yes, this black muscle tank was the choice with no bra. And, yes, I have photos of these moments because I enjoy sending butt and boob photos to my girlfriends. It’s true. I have no one else I want to send them to.

2. Try a post-it: Leave yourself love notes, on your mirror, in your drawers, wherever you might see them. Inside of your morning journal. Or on your living room coffee table …
TINA MARIE THERESA CORRADO YOU’RE A
BAD ASS BITCH WITH A KILLER BIG BOOTY
NOW GO LIGHT UP THE WORLD. WORD. DANG
I find that when I curse and close on catchy old school words like WORD AND DANG, my love note energy feels way more powerful. I can easily embody my inner LIL KIM, a rappers girlfriend or feel, I imagine, how Coco must feel when she boos up with Ice T.

3. Journal: Take the pressure off of your mind and get the thoughts out of your head. Don’t say you can’t. Journaling is not about being a writer, it’s about giving yourself a mental colonic. I’ve found that writing is and can be the most healing exercise (like a colonic), some days even more so than physical exercise. When I write, my brain is free and she has a different way of not only perceiving the whole world, but her whole story. And, it does have a way of even helping one poop more, it’s pretty relaxing and detoxifying overall.

4. Take it all off: Once a day, my preference is always in the morning, look at yourself in the mirror, naked. by taking part in this exercise I’ve realized that my body has a story. You have a story and you might as well get to know it by heart. Our bodies will undergo many transformations over time, so you may as well look at it from all angles and sit with it. Start with your butt, you can do it. Put your back into it. And your heart, which cannot be photographed but can be seen in your smile or your butt. Again, no nude photos here, my family, I am sure, is traumatized enough. But here is one of me doing a standing split in my underwear. Also, I’m kinda into traumatizing my family with truth, humor and half naked photos. Live your truth. And mood lighting has also helped me here. I’m not in the space where I am ok with fully lit standing photos where I can see my skin and bits, it’s still hard to look at everything after 23 years. I find that I can be ok in the mirror for a few minutes, but photos are frozen in time and I’m not there yet. But, onward to more appreciating.

5. Move: Move your body in fun ways, in funny ways, in physical ways. When I do backbends I often imagine I that I’m a kid in gymnastics class because I never was in one. As a child I often danced in my room while wearing a Mary Lou Retton American flag bodysuit, until the bodysuit one day ripped — right in the crotch and behind. I found a singlet / body suit during my time in Mexico (as seen in the photo on the right), and I couldn’t have been happier to move in this — even if all of my loose skin was coming out to play. I like to take photos like this when I’m alone so that I can make weird faces and look like a psychiatric patient when no one is watching. Blast music and feel free to let your weirdness come out of your body (imagine an exorcism but only way gentler and fun) and laugh at yourself. Moving and goofing around helps me not take myself so seriously. Just as writing frees my mind, so do all forms of physical movement. 

6. Do something hard and physically challenging: I started doing yoga because I met a teacher who scared the shit out of me. You see, I fell down in her class like 40 times in the first month, but I kept going. Why? It hit me that I never challenged my mind or my body beyond walking or cycling. The classes were HARD and something inside of me lit up with wanting to try. With each class, even when I fell down, I felt a sense of accomplishment for just showing up. After a few months, I noticed my brain was moving less in the direction of “you’ve got to be fucking kidding me” and more toward “try it, and see.” Then came the eventual accomplishments and a desire to show my failures along the way. With that came a sense of inner power as well as trust. That inner power and trust then manifested as mental fortitude, confidence and physical strength. When we challenge ourselves mentally and physically we receive a two fold win of “I CAN DO THIS and I AM THIS. I am strong and capable.” Reading big fat books and walking was great for keeping me calm, but learning that I could fall down, stand on my head and get back up again - well that completely and forever changed the perception I had in my mind of a body and person I once disliked very much. It changed me and my mind forever. I still have folds of loose skin, but lemme tell you something boo boo, that loose skin ain’t got nothing on the fact that I can balance with the rest of those tiny women on the internet and now see my skin as beautiful; a part of me that had to exist to be here and now. After a little over a year of committed practice, which has also meant changing my alcohol, dating and sabotage habits and creating space in my life to commit, I still feel scared to fall over - but I feel strong inside and out. And, oddly, way less afraid of what life is going to turn out like. I know I have my fortitude, and that has changed everything for me.

7. Reflect on a time of fear, change and perceived failure to where you are now: Only you know the fullness of your story and where you’ve been.  Recognize that you’ve come far, even if you don’t like exactly where you are now. In this photo I was at the beginning of my leaping journey. This was the day I left my full time staff job at MTV to start a financially unsuccessful health, cooking and wellness business. I look back on these moments of my empty office and going away party and see a whole history of the person I was before and where I am now. In some weird kind way, it makes me feel peaceful and sorta whole. And I can’t dislike myself for trying. When was a time you tried, failed and can see where you are now?

8. Sit in silence: I won’t say meditate because that might scare you, but don’t be afraid to sit with yourself in silence - without doing anything except being in your own company. It can feel weird to sit alone and not have a distraction. I like to lay on my bed before falling asleep (or in mid-afternoon, if you’re not working - have a blast and do you), in my bra and underwear, and connect one hand with my heart and one with my belly and I say thank you. Sometimes I do this, communally, in yoga class too. Even if it was a shit day and my mental monologue was mean, I make peace with myself because I deserve that much. Namaste, bitches. And maybe get yourself a gold chain with a Saint Anthony pendant. I find it helps.

9. Get thankful: Wake up and thank God and the universe for a new day. When we can think bigger than ourselves and our ego, and start looking toward something bigger than us, we realize our bodies are temporary and to be appreciated. Write it down. I hold this card from Channon Hodge close because it reminds me to write and be grateful; to be guided by our thoughts, writing and dreams is possible. And don’t knock it until you’ve actually tried it - then tell me something.

10. You, your story and were made in the likeness of God: Ok, maybe this is too far fetched for you and I’m too spiritual, but I had a moment very recently while I was working on my self-talk, that God made me and my story perfectly - even the shitty parts. Especially the hard parts. Even my loose skin is perfect because it’s part of my God given story. When we can deliberately choose to appreciate ourselves and see ourselves in the image of God and the universe, details of weight, scars, marks and trauma can be dealt with. Self-compassion. I don’t know that I’ll ever move on from or LOVE my loose skin, but it’s a part of who I am at the moment. I live in this body and story and every day is choice to work toward appreciating it. Though I dream of a life without loose skin, it’s here, for now, and I’d rather try and find peace than continue to hate my body and be angry with God. Compassion. Appreciation.

11. Make weird art: When I first started on my journey to not only appreciate my body, but to like myself, I started walking around in my bra and underwear because it not only gave me a sense of physical freedom but metal freedom. This was an exercise I did to get used to seeing myself, that’s all. I hid the parts of myself that I was afraid to show to the world. I buried not only my trauma, but my body and story - my creativity and artistry. If you can find it in yourself to paint, sew, draw, finger puppet or take photos to make a collage - indulge in the art of a self-portrait. There’s something really beautiful and freeing in the process of making ourselves into an actual pieces of artwork. Here are some of my drawings, paintings with self-timed photography and skin collages I made through the act of photographing myself naked and then putting the images into a layout app and rendering them until they made small collages and pieces of me to form a whole. You might scoff at this one, but there’s a creative being in all of us, and part of my explorational therapy was letting my inner child create and be free. And, the best part is, all of these photos and artwork exist on the internet and, somehow, God is still helping me out. The lovely people of Paramount still employ me as a contract GFX design producer even though I’m sharing my truth. Sure, I might be judged for it, but I won’t hide it. I won’t hide my story.

11. R-E-S-P-E-C-T: This is where the celibacy thing came in for me as does movement and the food I put in my body and words/thoughts that go through my mind. Respecting myself through my choices has changed what I see in the mirror. There is no perfect weight, perfect body, perfect life - there is only the respect you show yourself by choosing to be good to yourself - for whatever that means to you. And I know I was a shit to myself, which means I know you have been too. Up late, drinking, eating, sexting, scrolling, swiping, dating, over socializing to avoid being alone. I know I’m not the only one who was a thief with her self-esteem and life. Get honest and start respecting yourself, watch what you see in the mirror change without losing an ounce or removing a single scar. We are the weight of our habits and thoughts. I really wanted to post a old photo of Aretha, but you know, this blog has so many readers I might get pinged for copyright infringement. I’m kidding. There’s only like 100 of you. But instead I decided to search the word respect in my own personal photo library and since celibacy doesn’t have a photo and, lucky for you, I am a nerd who takes photos of passages from books. This one is from Autobiography of a Yogi by Pramahasa Yogananda and I thought it was pretty impactful, then and now. If you’ve made it this far, you’ll understand why.

12. Do not cut your hair or get bangs because it’s fall in NY or make any other drastic changes: You’re likely only covering up sadness with a haircut. See above results of my sad bob. More on haircuts and how we think they will change our lives, looks, bodies and mental state but can really put us in an mental state.

13. Commit to yourself with your whole heart: Change does not happen without consistency and some level of self-awareness and self-kindness. I don’t think it truly happens without knowing God and or the universe are inside of all of us. Thanks, Deepak Chopra, the Bible and current spiritual wisdom on higher powers and consciousness. As a yoga teacher once told our class many years ago, and I’ve since held on to these words and applied them to every part of my life, “You can be both gentle and deliberate.” You can be soft, kind and strong with your commitments and consistency to be good to yourself. The way you commit to your family, partner, children, friends and even your negative words and thoughts - commit that hard to yourself - and the truest parts of you will come out to play. I’m still working on it. So, you’'ll be in good company. All of the answers really are inside each of us. We know better, but sometimes we’re just too scared to get quiet, listen and look. Don’t be scared.