What Yoga Taught Me, We All Deserve To Move Our Body

This piece was written in October of 2023 after months of various yoga fitness sponsored ads showing up in my Instagram feed. I felt some sort of way about it, since movement has been freeing for me, but I carried a lot of body shame up until very recently. Read on to learn how yoga changed my perception of not only my body, but transformed my mind.

Back in October the same Asana Rebel ads were showing up in my Instagram feed over and over again. I was filled with mixed emotions, opinions and a lot of fear to share my thoughts. I kept quiet over the last few months, though I’d seen them before. I’ve been practicing yoga and internalizing what these ads mean, how they can shape how we feel about ourselves and why it’s hard to begin exercising if we harbor fears or particular feelings about our bodies. I was flooded with emotions, recalling my past and my present; mingled in a sea of are you fucking kidding me? How can this be and how can I still be bothered by this? But let’s be honest, media cannot be fully to blame for our mental health and socialized image insecurities because we have a responsibility to ourselves, to tune out what we don’t want to see or hear. But I couldn’t tune this out. I couldn’t tune out ads framing yoga and exercise primarily as a vanity project and one that will create pretty skin and decrease appetite. Thin bodies, muscular bodies, being promoted as the starting point for a “fitness journey.” Not to mention the absence of talking about exercise as mental health; for brain benefits, to decrease anxiety and episodes of depression, to decrease our likelihood of developing dementia or Alzheimers Disease and for the health of our heart. Our physical and spiritual heart.  

To have a body is to have a good body. In the past I’ve received messages about losing weight and not being able to talk about inclusivity when it comes to health and movement, but that’s not fair. I have a story and a body that tells a story. A mind and body that I was ashamed of after weight loss because of excess skin and habits that buried me in shame. Exercise has not remedied my skin or fixed me, nor has yoga; but I’ll tell you what movement, particularly yoga, has done for me. Yoga has helped me find my confidence. It helped me find my voice and challenge the limitations that actually existed in my mind and not in my body. It helped me stop making poor decisions in my love life, or otherwise, for external approval. It allowed me to go inside. It reminded me that discipline is self-love and self-respect. That commitment to ourselves is sacred and must also come with a reason, a why. But why don’t we talk about this in relation to the practice when it’s being advertised? Or in relation to exercise and movement. Because thin and toned still sells?

I started yoga by accident, by sheer coincidence, walking into a studio in Oaxaca, Mexico in April of 2023 with a friend. I had been to a handful of classes in NYC and took yoga as a gym class in high school when I was at my highest weight because the stretching felt good. My teacher also allowed me the freedom to lay on a mat in the back of our gymnasium to let me be. But in April of 2023 I fell in love with moving. Into her physically demanding class, which contains more chaturangas than I’d like to discuss here, she brings soul, dynamic transitions that flow like dance and mobility movements where the soft steps of her hands and feet inspire me to believe that maybe, maybe, one day I too could move like a baby kitten. But, above all else, I fell in love with her class and the process of learning yoga because of her strong spirit. She integrates the philosophy and the tenants of yoga in her practice and it is felt in the words that come from her heart, and her movements - ones that can only come from someone who has freed themselves and has worked deeply on transformation. Every one of her classes has a mantra and we take moments to connect to the words and our breath. We pause from moving, the energy we’ve built reaches a crescendo then ceases and sits in this sphere of what I can only describe as communal magic and conscious spirit. It is healing and continues to be healing even as I practice alongside her videos in my home. A community of one, guided and connected to something bigger than myself.

For years I carried shame about my body and skin, but in Cita’s class I felt safe. Safe for my shirt to roll up and for my leggings to roll down. In these moments in her 365 degree mirrored studio I realized yoga is more than a body. Yoga is a mind, a spirit, a lifestyle. Yoga is living with a pure heart and generous energy. My confidence has increased not because the practice changed my skin, body, muscles or “toned me” but because I now trust myself - my voice, my feelings. I feel strong in my mind, my choices and place. Apart from my physical body gaining strength through the practice, I have the courage to say no, to express myself. I’m here now writing because my heart is finally open. I find joy in standing on my head because I’m the most conscious and aware of my breath, mind and how my body works when I do it. I take videos and photos to show process and progress because I no longer want to hide or be small. I proudly show my successes and my failures because there is growth in every moment of practice and that’s life, isn’t it? Every one of us has a body. A yoga body, a runners body, an insert name of sport or thing that has held you back - body. Movement is mental health. Movement is a saving grace for the mind and the limitations we place on ourselves. The body is temporary. A soul and spirit are forever. 

Thank you for changing my soul, spirit and mind, yoga. For instilling courage and trust in me.
Thank you for guiding me and challenging me, Cita. 

Do I think “health” is important? Yes, but the vanity aspect or only showing one type of body doing yoga or any other physical activity does not help, as well as the language attached to a lot of advertisements about “fitness.” Movement is for everyone. Movement is for every body.