Morning Walks, Signs + Body Talk
On warm days it used to be a struggle for me to go walking or be outdoors.
Let me explain …
The way in which I viewed my body prevented me from these walks.
To Self: “Tina, it’s hot AF but your arms are too big and there’s too much skin - you can’t show them. You’ll have to wear a sweater or, at the minimum, tie a denim shirt and make your outfit look fashionable. No one shall see these arms.”
To Self: “Sweating, chafing, beading forehead and lower back shirt marks. No one needs to see that. Don’t draw anymore attention to yourself.”
Do you know how many BBQ’s I’ve said no to, dates I didn’t go on or have been secretly happy were cancelled because I didn’t want a man to see me sweat?
The amount of cardigans purchased...
No man I dated ever shamed my arms or body. It was me all along. And screw anyone who wants to shame arms or any body part. Not. Worth. It.
The other day I carried a chair in a strapless dress without a bra on (always classy) and this morning woke at 6am for a walk wearing a tank top without a denim shirt or 3/4 sleeve light cotton black sweater perfect for 81 degree NY mornings. Right …
It was exhausting to hide. It was also really fucking hot. Like, hi, wearing shirts over shirts or dressed in the summer may hide arms but it’ll make a sister sweat 10x more. Hello, logic.
As I talked to my sweet friend this morning, I thought about the freedom of being in this body. A body I worked hard for and, at times completely hated. I made new connections to life, food and this vessel. It was in the kindness and care invested in it. Mental leaps, sitting with feelings, connecting to myself and sharing with others. It was a process, much like anything good.
In the middle of the walk/phone chat, I passed the words you see above - then I bought some flowers.
I was sweating. A lot.
I thought about how I alone trapped my body.
It was trapped by my mind. And, shit, does it feel nice to breathe and be kind to it now.
Sorry dudes I dated.
Here’s to sweaty Sunday's, tanned skin, saying yes, arms (which, frankly, I don’t have to show you here to prove I love) acceptance and supporting one another’s light.