Be Your Own Inspiration
Today I was walking through Old Navy in search of dark denim. When I pulled out the color I liked from overstuffed sale rack they were a size 22. I held them, examining every seam, touched them and closed my eyes. I was a size 26-28 in high school, and these were small in comparison to others I’d held in the past. I felt my life in my hands. In a bundle of dark denim.
I threw away most of my old clothes. I kept one Jones New York woman blazer, the one I wore on my interview to Lane Bryant in 1998. Lane Bryant, where I would work the summers to get discounted clothing and some reprieve from the heat in a safe air conditioned mall. Wearing mens jeans and hemmed mens shirts was no longer cutting it. I wanted florals and my own dark denim.
I didn’t think I’d make it this far. Losing the weight was never really on my mind. I numbed my mind with food. The summer I left for the farm I learned about the basic habits I could make better - the ones we all ignore - like drinking water. I learned about my emotions and how food played a crucial role in masking them. I quickly came to realize writing in a journal freed me of physical weight.
A year ago this week I woman’d up and taught my first of 8 health workshops at a law firm while I was working full time at MTV.
Since I left MTV 8 months ago, I’ve taught 5 more workshops have 3 upcoming @ my local church, 6 for another firm and 1 for the NY Bar Association in February. And thanks to Stef Faber for taking it upon herself to share my story with her company, where I’ll have the opportunity to talk about my journey in a hope to motivate, inspire and get others to open up about work, life, health, body image and balance.
I’ve taken two recent trips to LA to work freelance for MTV and I’m abundantly grateful for those opportunities. I’m spending my savings, I'm making some money. I'm figuring it out.
I will buy myself new jeans because I deserve them.
And as I'm helping others find their way, it’s important to let everyone I work with know that I’m still finding mine. The shedding of my weight was only one piece, as I know learning to truly be free goes well beyond size and starts with our heart.